Yes to Carpe Diem!

   Be forewarned this is a very opinionated post. If you were in whole hearted agreement with the "Don't Carpe Diem" parenting article you will probably NOT like this rebuttal. Ok disclaimer over. :) 
   The following article begin popping up all over the internet.. "Don't Carpe Diem". Several facebook mommy friends kept going on about how great and wonderful it was. The first time I pulled it up I didn't read it. It was a little lengthy and I had a toddler making war paint on his face with his Mcdonalds honey mustard nugget sauce. I managed to find the time a little later in the day. Within the first few paragraphs I honestly thought I was going to love the read. It seemed like it was geared towards well meaning individuals who love to give unsolicited advice...which I despise. Older woman always look at me like I have sooo much to learn based on an outward appearance ,very few people pick up on the fact that I'm an "old soul" until they get to know me. I was more than ready to side with the writer. WAS... until I kept reading. I kept waiting on the "ah ha" or "YES! Thats me!" moment but it never happened. NONE of the article resonated with me. It left me feeling pretty empty. I read it again..and then once more. I found myself getting more annoyed every time I read it. I had to sleep on it to find what really agitated me the most. So here goes....

     I have always loved the simple quote Carpe Diem..."seize the day" I have never consciously made more of an effort to seize the day and steal more life out of every breath then I did the day I became a mother. It is quite honestly the very BEST thing in the world. Simple but true. I've NEVER once in my time as a mother ever felt like I needed a break from my children. Not Ever. My children aren't perfect..nor am I ...not by a long shot. But I honestly find myself thanking God even when my child manages to throw himself to the floor in the midst of a tantrum even in public. No I'm not kidding. He shares my passion for life. Maybe its because of my psychology background and the understanding of the different emotional phases he'll go through in his toddler years. Or maybe its the fact that I see parenting my children as not a "tough job" but an honor.  I've literally uttered "Thank you God ...he's so ALIVE, passionate and healthy" in not so pleasant fits at a store. Thats not to say I don't parent him. I'm very big on discipline but I never do it with a "woe is me" frame of mind. I'm GRATEFUL for EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. I'm much more inclined to get aggravated with know- it- all nosy adults that try to recommend appropriate disciplinary actions for someone elses child than I am a person that manages to look over lovingly at me while I parent my children in the midst of a difficult situation and say "oh how I miss those days and you will to" Maybe that's because I know its TRUE and that person also loved being a parent the way I do. I just can't help but feel like mothers should try to be a little more insightful. Not one of us nor our children are promised another day. I'm not trying to sound grim but its a fact of life. Ask a mother who has recently lost a child or the mother of a child with disabilities how much they would love to have a child throw a tantrum or be well. We don't have any choice but to live in the moment..it may be all we have. It's naive and pompous to brush things off like they won't or can't happen to any one of us at any given time.

  I don't understand how the effort at being "real" is so praised in this article. That along with the analogies I find the most unsettling so I'll give a few of my own.  Here is the writers idea of being "real" and helping moms feel less isolated in their parenting.

 
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
  

How do I hate this..let me count the ways.....Here's my idea of being real. There have been nights where my little guy has been so out of control that Chris and I have had to look at each other and laugh followed by a "wow he's kicking our asses" lol The writer also goes on to say that her favorite part of the day is at the end of the day when are kids are in the bed and she and her husband tell each other "job well done " or just "job done"....Again, really? Your favorite part of the day is when your children are sleeping?!?

 I just think my generation is so spoiled and selfish with their "me me me " time. A child never needs a break from it's parent ...why do you need a break from your child?? I'm really not trying to make this sound like an elitist, judgmental post but it's a very emotionally charged subject for me. I'm just disgusted with articles that are geared towards helping women survive motherhood and their OWN children. To me the love between a mother and child is the closest thing we have on this earth to understanding God's unconditional love. I can't imagine God complaining about "oh these humans ..phew their A LOT of work" Thats because his love is so great. I'm so humbled and grateful that I was given the opportunity to be a mother that I can't bear the thought of complaining about how "hard" it is. I won't even go into the Mt Everest and job analogies the writer references. Umm raising a human being is a little different than climbing a mountain and IF you feel that the role even remotely resembles a treacherous climb up a steep set of never ending hard rocks then thats a shame. Furthermore even comparing this amazing journey to a career 9-5 is a joke. 

  The ONE thing that I will NOT miss about my children being young is the times when they are sick or not well. I can deal with a tantrum, a ruined dinner, and other toddler challenges but I can't make a sick child well again. AND those moments are when they have the LEAST amount of life. Thats the hard part for me. I truly believe that these are the BEST years of a woman's life..seriously even the hard parts are blissful..you don't have to agree. And if you happen not to share this belief system that's perfectly fine to. I'm aware that the article received rave reviews by many and I'm probably in the minority.  I'm still sharing my heart and because this blog is for my kids I want them to understand my take on parenting them.  So to the elderly woman in the line at the grocery store who days of parenting little people is long gone I don't mind you looking at me or my children with yearning, re mincing eyes...and I don't mind you telling me to seize the day...but what you may not know is that I've probably already done it today...at least ten times before lunch :) I'm not perfect but I hope my children will always see me as cut out for this job honor. 

 I love you Thomas Kal-el Borquez & Christopher Logan Borquez....it is my pleasure to be your Mommy.